On the fast lane: Which occupations get the most ‘speeding’ fines?

I briefly considered writing this week’s column on the critical distinction between working as a comedian and merely shouting, as there appears to be much confusion about the two. However, defending defamation – especially with a defence of truth – can be so time-consuming, so instead my mind turned to crimes and misdemeanours.

If Twitter provides instant and brutal performance ratings of comedians, perhaps copping a fine has a similar chastening effect for all but shameless politicians breaking COVID regulations.

It got me thinking, which occupations “enjoy” the most speeding fines?

It turns out a UK insurance company has asked the same question in 2017 and 2018. Coming in at number 10 in 2017 were surgeons. I am not quite sure how I feel about this result. On the one hand, I take comfort from the idea that they were speeding to work to help save a life. On the other, do we want someone to operate on us who disregards the rules?

Medical consultants made number 6 on the 2017 list. Maybe the salaries paid to surgeons and consultants mean speeding fines have little deterrent effect. That might explain why professional footballers were number one in 2017. Put a young (most probably male) sportsperson in a supercar, and what could possibly go wrong. If memory serves cricketer Lord Ian Botham managed to write off two sponsored Saabs in the same day.

By 2018, the medicos slipped out of the top ten, and the footballers dropped to number 7. The second-placed restaurant owners from 2017 did not take the top spot. That went to, wait for it, locksmiths. People whose job is to get out of almost anywhere, could not get out of fines. Again one can only speculate as to why they are over-represented in traffic offences.

When I first started searching for answers to this question, I expected taxi drivers, chauffeurs, delivery drivers and couriers to make up the majority of the top 5. However, while delivery drivers and couriers shared the number 10 spot in 2018, no other professional drivers made the list.

There is of course, the too good to be true story of the late Formula One racing driver, Ayrton Senna, who was supposedly pulled over for speeding during the weekend of the British Grand Prix, and greeted by the police officer who failed to recognise the driver, with the question “who do you think you are, Nigel Mansell?”